Life in A Bike Shop

I walk into the shop drenched in sweat. Nothing better than asking a customer if they would like assistance while, you’re pores are completely open, shirt unzipped and breathing like a phone perv. Usually my offer is waved off. I towel off and then return to the floor. I go over to the mountain bike section where I see a guy struggling to make a decision. He’s already in good hands, so I don’t confuse him more by throwing more at him to ponder. After my co-worker walks away to do research for him, he tells me that he has a question that he felt uncomfortable asking of a woman. I didn’t know where he was going with this, but was dying to know. For all I know he was going to ask me the best way to ask your girlfriend if anal was cool. He didn’t ask that as I wouldn’t really have a good way to broach that age old question. He did however ask me about combating the pain and annoyance of material creeping up ones ass when saddled up. I told him that I totally understood. I felt as if I were in a pathetic commercial in which two women convene and discuss the lightest yogurts while watching Good Morning America. I asked him if he wore draws while riding, to which he said yes. I told him that “commando” was the way to go. I also advised him that wearing cycling shorts with a fat chamois is key along with lathering your balls with chamois cream. He like all newbies to the sport was hesitant. Pain tops hesitancy every time.

Customers can be the coolest people on the planet. You’re in a bike shop. You get props on that alone. Cyclists or not, they are still human and humans love deals, so much to the point where after awhile you want to tell them to leave with their business. A guy came in with his kids in tow to try out bikes. That’s cool and his kids were darlings. We love darling children, though when exhausted with being darling children, they become rambunctious which rarely works well in a shop that houses bikes worth thousands.
The dad is looking for a deal. He’s researched other brands whom we don’t sell, but have similar options at lesser prices. That’s cool. The market works best with multiple sellers. For us though, it’s an annoyance. I’m familiar with other brands besides Treks, Specialized and Felt because I love bikes. I’m not however going to steer you in another direction that takes money away from us. I love bikes, but enjoy receiving a check as well. His children are now moving about the store. “Cabin Fever” for a child happens in about 5 minutes. Another customer comes into the store to pick his bike up. One of the kids run into it causing it to hit the floor and his child seat that was resting atop to fly off. The guys pissed. I get it. The dad tells the guy “jokingly” that he should have come earlier to avoid that. That’s balls. We reassure the buyer and not the fisher that his $700 purchase is still sound. I’d like to reassure the fisher that we don’t need his sort of business. If you want a different brand, get it. Do you, but don’t think you’re going to do us.

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